Hey all,
It has dawned on me feckless it is to offer praise without any kind of nudging. Take, for example, the time you gave a speech or presentation you may have put much time into but did not feel great about upon finishing. This is very often the case, as it can be difficult to ascertain the engagement and enthusiasm of a crowd when we are immersed in the emotions of speaking. Outside of canned applause and cheering, which are usually relegated to bigger arenas (political campaign speeches and big conferences), how do we gauge how well we did?
The simplest answer is to talk to folks in the crowd, especially those of whom have opinions that you may value. You finish and the event raps up. One of the audience members comes up to you and says something along the likes of "Good speech, man... You are really charismatic [insert adjective for this purpose]." You say thanks and perhaps small talk a bit and that line of conversation probably repeats itself a few times
Now imagine how difficult it will be the next time you go to write and prepare that speech. You are trying to get the right vocal variety but your recollection of how the audience responded to variegated tone is a bit hazy. You are looking for the most resonant words but again can't recall what the audience went for last time
You scan the feedback from the people spoken to afterwards. Again, you come up empty, and therein lies the problem. They didn't provide you feedback, but they did "feed" you information that sent you backwards
When we lavish people with empty and nebulous praise, we commit a double sin. First, we create a false sense of hope and contentment that may be hard to build on. Second, we do not leave the door open for much growth, effectively ingraining the sense that there is nothing to critique, and therefore nothing to improve. We effectively tell people that they are just awesome without helping them discern how! It would be like a 3rd grade teacher giving their student back a paper with a grade of A- and writing "Good job!" at the end, without a single correction throughout the course of the paper!
When we truly believe in people, our praise must push potential, our critique catalyzing creation. If we recognize someone is precocious, it's a matter of showing them how much brighter their future could loom. The critique, then, helps to crystallize that alternative vision, making shortcomings strengths and providing a plan for how to do so
Good feedback is intrinsic to effective leadership and mentoring. It is the often split-moment difference between success and spoil. Make sure to have a well of it, ready for any situation--- just never tell others that they just did well!
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