Thought of the Day, 3-13-16: Stranded on a Road

Hey all,

I found myself with my car left on the side of the road today.  Gratefully, I wasn't killed yesterday:  my serpentine belt and tensioner had snapped on the highway.  Almost suddenly, I couldn't push brake down; the only way to stop the car was to slowly skid to a stop.  It was very dangerous and I was uncertain what would happen

I would have tried to make it to my friend's house, just a few short minutes away, but when belts go, so does the whole car.  My steering wheel would't turn.  I was left with no choice but to leave my car at the side of the road and find help the next day

This was one of the more frightening moments I've ever experienced, because it very viscerally showed me what a lack of control meant.  If I had not reacted quickly enough or risked driving the car further, I would have likely been in a bad accident.  I feel distinctly blessed that much worse didn't happen

Luckily, I did have a good friend (more like a brother) who could give me his time to fix the car, on the highway, amidst a downpour of rain and an almost incessant rush of cars going past (the longest period of inactivity may have been literally 30 seconds).  The parts cost roughly $80 and we fixed it within a few hours

I've driven this car with a constant fear for the last few years.  It's older, and although the engine is sound, it has caused me much grief with it's persistent issues.  Many of these are the familiar rut of an old car but that is precisely the problem

I don't have the means to be vigilant about fixes, and so I must live in a constant state of preparation for the fluxes.  Rather than getting angry during situations like this, I've learned to gather equanimity and use it to guide me to making change in my own life.  The next car I have will be much better maintained, and the call of this ashram is to get myself in better order financially, mentally, and spiritually

I won't have to live in fear of my own instruments.  This is not to say that we must insulate ourselves from all pain and stress; indeed, much of it can be healthy and buffers against atrophy of mind and body.  It is to say that there are only so many times you can cheat death and cataclysm.  I've been lucky enough to "learn the hard way" without cracking my skull open.  It's a process I will apply to all of my life's learning, as it means that even the smallest moments can have magnified meaning!

Thought of the Day, 3-12-2016: Walking the Woods

I took to walking in the Chagrin Metropark Reservation with a friend late Saturday night.  It was a hike of intensity, probably lasting about 3 hours and 10+miles, in motion most of the time.  Chagrin is a beautiful location if you've never been there.  It is worth many walks!

One question posed:  Why is it, given the mystery and solemnity of night in nature, that we close off these parks during nighttime?  There is a certain feeling of a kind of late walk, unencumbered by the exhaustive sounds of vehicles and urbanized life in the background.  When and while those begin to slow, nature begins to grow on you

It feels much more purposed.  Finding your way amidst the darkness is more challenging.  It forces introspection.  Yet we did not see another soul walking the park.  This leads me further to believe that the greatest experiences are often right in front of us; very many just choose to ignore them and walk beaten paths or the snow already impressed upon by other feet.  To maintain sanity, though, you do have to break from time to time

3-11-16 Thought of the Day: Critique and Creation, Praise and Potential

Hey all,

It has dawned on me feckless it is to offer praise without any kind of nudging.  Take, for example, the time you gave a speech or presentation you may have put much time into but did not feel great about upon finishing.  This is very often the case, as it can be difficult to ascertain the engagement and enthusiasm of a crowd when we are immersed in the emotions of speaking.  Outside of canned applause and cheering, which are usually relegated to bigger arenas (political campaign speeches and big conferences), how do we gauge how well we did?

The simplest answer is to talk to folks in the crowd, especially those of whom have opinions that you may value.  You finish and the event raps up.  One of the audience members comes up to you and says something along the likes of "Good speech, man...  You are really charismatic [insert adjective for this purpose]."  You say thanks and perhaps small talk a bit and that line of conversation probably repeats itself a few times

Now imagine how difficult it will be the next time you go to write and prepare that speech.  You are trying to get the right vocal variety but your recollection of how the audience responded to variegated tone is a bit hazy.  You are looking for the most resonant words but again can't recall what the audience went for last time

You scan the feedback from the people spoken to afterwards.  Again, you come up empty, and therein lies the problem.  They didn't provide you feedback, but they did "feed" you information that sent you backwards

When we lavish people with empty and nebulous praise, we commit a double sin.  First, we create a false sense of hope and contentment that may be hard to build on.  Second, we do not leave the door open for much growth, effectively ingraining the sense that there is nothing to critique, and therefore nothing to improve.  We effectively tell people that they are just awesome without helping them discern how!  It would be like a 3rd grade teacher giving their student back a paper with a grade of A- and writing "Good job!" at the end, without a single correction throughout the course of the paper!

When we truly believe in people, our praise must push potential, our critique catalyzing creation.  If we recognize someone is precocious, it's a matter of showing them how much brighter their future could loom.  The critique, then, helps to crystallize that alternative vision, making shortcomings strengths and providing a plan for how to do so

Good feedback is intrinsic to effective leadership and mentoring.  It is the often split-moment difference between success and spoil.  Make sure to have a well of it, ready for any situation--- just never tell others that they just did well!

Thought of the Day, 3-10-16: No Such Thing as Selfishness

Hey all,

I was doing a walk tonight around the neighborhood, amidst the rain.  I had a 45 pound weight vest on.  The first loop of the walk was a simple walk; the second half was ten steps, then a squat jump

The intent of a walk like this is to clear the mind.  I had a lot of "weight" on my mind and the vest added to that.  One of the learning goals at the ashram will be to learn to let that space around the mind become uncluttered, to take all that weight and turn it into weighty, focused thought

Naturally, friendships came up, especially the ones I made during college and in the 3 years after.  Do you ever experience immense growth and the people you use to associate with just evolve?  Maybe they change but they don't progress?  When you have that seeded in your mind, it may not be a bad time to reevaluate your friendships and attachments and seek to start anew

One particularly came to mind.  I had questioned an action I felt was immature, asking "Should that really be a priority right now", knowing that this friend had intended to make big changes in 2016 and was prepared to embark on spiritual journeys.  The actions did not meet the words and was something I've come to mature past (this friend is a bit older).  The reply was something like, "I don't even care, man"

We are constantly inundated with platitudes like "I'm doing me", "Gotta practice self-love and care",  "creating my best self" and other "lifesets" or "mindstyles" (lifestyle + mindsets).  These are often indulged with the utmost selfishness; instead of creating the best self in order to eventually also create the best world, instead of developing the best personal practices and health so that you can rigorously apply them to give our best to the world, it just ends with workouts at the gym and an eternal vanity of sorts

We have to really consider whether the idea of selfishness really has any merits, however.   Myriad scientific studies and historical wisdom show us that we need strong social bonds to survive and thrive.  They are beneficial to our brain and bodily health.  The isolated genius and the hermit, i.e. Emerson and his Walden pond, are illusory myths.  It need not mean we are social butterflies, but even with small relationships with tight circles, part of us becomes whole

Given that, is it even possible for someone to be selfish?  If you only care about yourself, you truly don't care about anyone, including yourself.  For there ever to be friendship, there must be authentic care in both directions, or else the relationship will not be sustained long.  Caring for others, then, is crucial to your own wellness.  If you think you only care about yourself, you are actually doing no one well; you actually care little about yourself because you've immediately shut avenues into highways of your own potential

Let's stop this illusion of selfishness.  The most "selfish" folks indeed love themselves least.  We must fill that vacuum and provide love unconditionally, as conduits of care

Morning Walk: A Routine Challenge

Posture good, arms held up, breathing good, and a smile.....


I added a morning walk to the routine!  As science has been pretty consistent in showing, exercise is crucial to a healthy brain and creativity.  It allows your brain to think diffusely, letting in thoughts and allowing for relaxation.  You get a chance to observe the natural world.  The commotion of a city comes to you

My walk was for about 15 minutes, amidst a number of other morning tasks, placed at a time to give me a refresher from more challenging mental work.  I went about walking in a way that utilized a few different muscles.   Here's how (and something you ought to try):

• Good posture.  Chest out, shoulders up, back straight.  Stand tall and do this intentionally for the duration of the walk
• Keep your arms held up at your side, almost in a "Jesus" pose.  They will be in a straight line at the height of your shoulders.  This will build strength, endurance, and fortitude, because it will hurt about halfway through.  If the hold becomes too painful, do the same but put your arms either out in front of you (a "zombie" pose) or above the head
• Breath right.  Slowly in, slowly out.  Be in control!
• Keep a large smile plastered on your face.  This may engage others as an externality, but the intent is to get your day started positively (the science is behind smiling too!)

Doing the door of these together sets the stage for a productive and positive day.  It brings to you balance (posture), strength (the arms), tranquility (the breath) and happiness (the smile).  This is hard to do all together without missing one but with practice, it will all just be one powerful movement.  Try it and let me know how it goes!

Why I Don't Use Periods and Why You Shouldn't Either, Period

Hey all,

I've only been at this blog for about 2 weeks now but as a matter of function, it makes sense for me to clarify how it will operate and how I write.  I am taken with a vast gratitude for all who have stayed with me for the first few weeks, as I am really just beginning to become comfortable with blogging in general and creative writing as a daily discipline.  You are great motivation!

With that said, I'll always do my best to explain some of my idiosyncrasies.  I'm a very eccentric person; often that has the effect of turning people away quickly or makes me most affable.  As I've grown, I've been able to see that it's really all a matter of communication.  If you are unique, your style will flourish one day.  It's just a matter of taking that uniqueness and sharing it uniquely with your unique subject.  The difference between idiosyncrasy and idiosyn"crazy" is the capacity to put it all in a way others can understand.  If you share yourself in such a way as to only appease yourself, then how can anyone else bother to be interested?

Speaking to those idiosyncrasies, many of you likely noticed what looks to be a glaring editing problem.  It's something taught very early in school.  No, it's not font type (do young gradeschoolers even write papers in ink anymore?!).  It's not odd capitalization.  What you see comes at the end of a paragraph or a sentence.  My thoughts end without periods! [note: of course I will use them if I am in a professional role that requires it]

The period, as used at the end of a paragraph or discrete sentence, has bothered me for a few years now.  As I began to use social media more, it's use became quaint.  I began perceiving it as a way for people to attempt to seem forceful or official in vain.  I could see it almost as a certain kind of arrogance of perfectionism and 'professionalism' that is indeed rather hollow.  Mostly, it just isn't really necessary!

So, let's look at why it bothers me functionally.  I will concede its use as a way to connect sentences.  It stops one and starts another, preventing grand collisions of ideas and cultivating flow.  We can pause, gather, and saunter on to the next thought.  That is just about where its usefulness ends

Why the necessity at the end of a paragraph?  Isn't it a bit redundant, considering that there will already be a break and jump to the next paragraph, or a conclusion to the piece as a whole?  I see it as almost insulting the reader's intelligence and giving them a false sense of conclusiveness:  if they believe your writing is compelling, they will make that call themselves

Beyond simple agitation and superfluousness,  the use of end periods (this will be the working term, to differentiate from the use of periods between sentences) also has distinct problems for how we view and share knowledge and the author.  If we can reconsider how they are used, we can enter into a modus operandi that encourages humility, creativity, and the collective duty to create culture and public discourse

The Death of the Period

The world lost a titan of literature and philosophy just a few weeks ago.  Though my delving into his work is scant,  Umberto Eco has always one high praise from authors I love.  His book, Baudolino, sits ready to be read by my recliner.  One of the most liberating ideas I've ever been introduced to is Eco's Antilibrary.  Originally relayed to me by Nassim Nicholas Taleb (a seminal statistician and philosopher also worth reading) in his classic book The Black Swan, I have tried to expound upon it ever sense.  Taleb describes the antilibrary concept (via Brain Pickings):

"The writer Umberto Eco belongs to that small class of scholars who are encyclopedic, insightful, and nondull. He is the owner of a large personal library (containing thirty thousand books), and separates visitors into two categories: those who react with “Wow! Signore professore dottore Eco, what a library you have! How many of these books have you read?” and the others — a very small minority — who get the point that a private library is not an ego-boosting appendage but a research tool. Read books are far less valuable than unread ones. The library should contain as much of what you do not know as your financial means, mortgage rates, and the currently tight real-estate market allows you to put there. You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menacingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books. Let us call this collection of unread books an anti library. [period was left in by me; I do not approve!]"

In essence, we must always remind ourselves of how little we do know, how much more we need to know, and the potential that we probably won't ever get there.  This is a menace you can smile at, for it is one that shows that knowledge is boundless, but that with the knowledge of all the books already created, in confluence with the understanding that countless others have made the intellectual contributions of the book, we know that there is the potential within to be bountiful.  Even the smallest of contributions can be life's bounty.  You will feel less bounty hunted when these realizations set in

So what might this have to do with meager end periods, you ask?  That period is a menace too.  It stares at the reader and screams "I'm final."  It dares you to try to have agency, saying "this, and only this, is imperative."  That imperative impairs our duty to continue the authorship, to be propulsive in thoughts.  The ideal author does not generate certitude, but a multitude of more thoughts

It closes the door on creation.  If the sentence is ended in a period, it's close-looped.  Nothing else can enter in.  No one else can author history, which is, after all, the sum of ideas.  It is ultimately a roadblock; or, as it sits on the page, a landmine in the way of progress.  In an increasingly diverse and global world, it exudes a hermetic hold on these ideas needed to advance humankind

If we kill the end period, then what shall replace it?  After hundreds of years being used in this way, how would we move forward?  How could it all make sense?

The scholar of Islam, Tariq Ramadan, is another author I've been introduced to but have yet to peer into his sea of ideas.  Recently, I opened his book, The Quest for Meaning, and just within his dedication, I was already finding fish.  He writes,

To the semi-colon; despite the diversity of languages, there is some form of punctuation that is universal and common to them all.  In a world of simplified communications and simplistic binary judgements, the semi-colon reconciles us with the plurality of propositions, and with the welcome nuance of the sentence and of complex realities

The choice is here to consciously decide to use more semi-colons and more commas to create worlds of possibility and to make dissonant thoughts become resonant.  The choice is here to use the exclamation point, to take pride and joy in our intellectual vigor and to transfer it unto others!  The choice is here to ask questions, for our anti-libraries are only to grow more menacing as we grow older; we can write as if the question mark is tattooed on our palms, constantly guiding our work.  Or we can choose to let it stream, to make the ultimate investment, and present the ultimate motion of trust, in our reader: that we have the capacity to create meaning together, and we will not do it without each other

I leave my thoughts and prayers with the end period's family.  May she rest most deeply and peacefully, a figment of a less enlightened time

Thought of the Day: 3-7-2016: Well on the Way?

Frequently, action will be encouraged and supported by friends and family with the phrase "You are well on the way."  This is indubitably a phrase with good intention.  It often evokes feelings of happiness and purpose.  It also ought to be examined further

A phrase like this must force ourselves to ask, "Am I actually well as I take on this next challenge/initiative?"  Am I in a state of wellness that will foster my next steps?  Or will I hastily jump into something without being a strong enough version of me, thereby likely setting up for a failure that will make me myopic about the future, rather than calcifying my assiduous resolve in the future?

This is a very large reason I decided to commit to the Sivanada Ashram.  Yes, I've done a lot of things that have made me grow and I know an incandescent future looms for me.  However, I didn't see a lot of my fundamentals as sound.  I lack discipline, focus, and the spiritual grounding that I will need to accomplish grand ambitions for the rest of my life.  So I decided to be well on my way!

The Mind is but a Dream, Turned Seed, With Many Weeds, Comes Tree

Today I finished the excellent, free Coursera course Learning How to Learn.  The course utilizes neuroscience research in order to teach its students how to best practically go about learning.  It examines bad learning habits ("zombies"), procrastination, creativity and focused vs. diffused modes of thought, neuroplasticity,  test taking, and a bevy of other topics.  It gives a number of very specific techniques that have been proven to be effective, including the pomodoro (using that right now!), interleaving, the memory palace, positive mindset, and adequate sleep

I've already found this course to be helpful and am now eager to implement some of its more laborious concepts!  The reality is that substantial potential is left on the table if we are not cultivating the brain.  Doing so must be at all ages and stages of life, for all kinds of people with varying intellect, creativity, etc

Finishing up this course, I would like to draw on one of its concepts, that of the power of metaphor in learning,  to illustrate hope and success

The mind dreaming

Every feat of greatness begins with a dream, as hackneyed as that may sound.  It begins as irrational, something relegated to fantasy and illusion.  The idea that there could be integration in the viciously racist South, mere years after spates of lynchings and persistent violence and given how racist the country still is today, was just a dream.  To take from the Coursera course, that Professor Barbara Oakley (the course teacher) would somehow make a switch from being a linguist and translator in her 30s to an engineer and educator was only something she could have dreamed; many believed they are tethered to one career for life, and the possibility of switching fields entirely is essentially out of the realm of expectations

Dreams alone, however, do not fulfill themselves.  While there are certainly events and cataclysms that have simmered for so long that it seems they are indefatigable, there are still agents that have put them in motion with their own great motions.  Even when we feel that our dream has already been dreamt, someone still has to fulfill and execute those dreams or dare to dream something fuller and even more lucid

Let's imagine dreaming a wonderfully lush and abundant garden

It has everything we need for sustenance and well-being.  How did it get there?

In my own experience with garden, it is by no stroke of luck or magical thinking.  The soil must be tilled and filled.  The season must be right.  There must be good spacing of plants and this needs to be consistent.  Constant water must be supplied but not too much.  Then, the seeds need to be planted with care

We can see the tilling as comparable to the Coursera class I just finished.  Here, we begin to start  applying some of the techniques that make our neural foundations solid, and hence, everything else.  We make the brain soil rich

The season is no different than environment.  The course noted that when crucial element of growing creatively is surrounding yourself with creative people.  It's putting yourself in environments where you can have the freedom to think.  These crops, like myself, won't grow in the Cleveland cold, or at least not as efficiently

The spacing?  We have to make sure that there is proper sleep, leisure time, and that balance of work and life.  We want to, as the course recommends, space out or memorization and learning over weeks rather than cramming it all the day before a test or presentation.  We must interleave; that is, trying different sets of problems and learning styles as we go through the material. Let your field be expansive!

Our watering is the rate at which we add in content.  Ready to move from Stephen King to Dostoevsky? Newtonian physics to string theory?  You must be conscious of how much water you will add in and how often, or fear letting that water become fire and having yourself burn out

Then we get to the seeds (this would clearly come after watering, but it is more important and ordered as such).  What are we actually looking to plant?  Seeds that we've never eaten before?  How much and how big?

The drought, insects, and crop death is akin to failure.  We will fail constantly, but we must keep planting while learning to ascertain which of the other elements are not properly calibrated.  Keep planting because the world is always in need of freshness

Then the apple tree sprouts.  Are we content with just this one tree?  Are just apples sufficient?  Is the process worth going through again?

Ultimately, that is largely answered by how well you went through the processes and not how satisfied you are with the products (trees).  This was another learning element advocated by the course, simply allowing oneself to try the methods for solution without stressing too much on what the answer to a math problem may be, for example.  There is a wonderful connection to earth that comes with touching soil; it is an ownership of ideas and a real investment in creation.  If not done right, there could possibly be a tree, but will that tree continue to grow, and will there be more trees?

A delicious product, but will you desire to continue to produce with the same energy given by the apples?

Majestic Morning Meditations--- Saturday, March 5, 2016: Why It's OK to whistle

Meditative Reflections

This morning, I arose at around 6:30 a.m.  I went to bed early the prior night, further trying to instill discipline in myself and trying to get ready for the sleep schedule I will be acceding to at the Ashram

I have come to find myself more productive and happy in the mornings regardless.  I can hear the birds sing, some cars on the road, and I get to soak in the cold atmosphere.  Things turn from dark to bright and I try to do the same in myself to reflect that.  There is just enough light with just enough natural sounds, the perfect conditions for a still, tranquil time to focus and learn

This morning was just that.  There was a light snow, almost slow enough to observe flakes dropping with precision.  The birds came out, the dogs barked from time to time, the temperature was right around freezing point (roughly 30 degrees Fahrenheit).  There was enough there to be mindful of but not so much that it drove the mind

I looked up a guided meditation I had worked on previously.  It is an hour in length and I had only completed about 50 minutes in the past and that was when I was fully awake.  Done by Florence Meleo-Meyer of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, this is one of the best meditations I've come across and it comes from a professional. This time, I wanted to test myself to go the full hour and try to be as focused as possible.  I wanted to slowly come close to simulating what my Ashram experience will look like (up to 2 hours of meditation) and this was one of the better ways to do it.  I'll share some of the immense insight from this particular meditation.  Bear in mind, I began this little over a month ago; before that, I had little idea of the practice and was leading a very unhealthy lifestyle.  The benefits will come swiftly!

My mind would only wander a few times from my breathing and focus on my sensory surroundings.  In previous meditations, at shorter length and being more wakeful, it probably wandered 10 times as much.   I came into this one with a bit more joy and happiness, as I kept a smile most of the meditation

Anyone looking to take up the practice needs to know that it will be difficult as you begin and progress is not perfectly linear.  You will often want to fall asleep and your mind will sometimes wander more some days than on others.  Sometimes, you may feel more blissful than you did in other meditations.  Some of it depends on how you come into the particular meditation.  You have to have the courage to stick with it and focus, letting everything else go.  The benefits will far outweigh the initial difficulty

I found that intense focus probably about halfway through, at the 30 minute mark.  My mind was less inundated with thoughts and sensory overload and I could give full care and attention to my breath, feelings, perceptions, and thoughts I wanted to examine.  I felt in so much control!

The reality is that typically the first quarter to  first half of my meditation is letting the mind settle, finding the breath, and slowly finding that deep calm.  From there, all else follows.  It took me that first half of putting in the hard work and the results were bountiful:

• Near the end, I began to wonder (not wander, of course, or else I wouldn't have the clarity of these thoughts) how to better provide love and empathy to my friends, most who have been through, and still toil under, great suffering, stress and trauma.  I began to picture the mind as a vast, calm river, with slow ripples
• We must be the ones to bring those suffering on a swim.  We must dive in with them; if they can not dive, we must lend them a hand to step in gradually.  We show them the water is tranquil, and so can be their mind.  We swim as a community and grow together, constantly moving towards the shores of greater being
• As waves come, this is where we apply compassion and we meditate.  We move with patience and guidance to those who need strength.  We know that the ultimate state of the river is that of tranquility and stillness, and so we press forward knowing it will be
• When we get out of the river, this is not the end of the love.  We must also provide warmth to souls still cold.  It would only be a half measure to bring someone suffering into the turbulences and cold a river can hold and then tell them they are on their own.  We must provide the towel, and the fire, and the shelter thereafter.  Growth is a long, steep process
• That fire and that shelter look like letting them know they are beautiful and that so is the world.  Simply removing trauma and inculcating stillness is not sufficient if there is not a novel world to replace the turpitude that has been left.  The process, eternal as it may be, makes us all stronger if we swim together

A group of young people swimming in a river

• I smiled most of this meditation.  As I have been actively smiling perpetually these last few days, I've come to find my face hurt and become stiff.  Not this time!  It almost felt stuck, as if to say that "this is the way to approach life; enter into difficult tasks with happiness and they will provide even more benefit."  It was a different feeling but I'm smiling as I write this!
• Focus on your nose at the very end of a breath.  This will help to center your body and mind, as it is in the center of both and is where the breath emanates from.  Let your breath and focus finish at the nose

The most intense moment was also one that was a catalyst for serious introspection into my childhood.  It was a short but capacious moment.  From the 58:34 mark to 58:46, you can hear dim whistling underneath the flow of the stream

John.....Lennon whistling

At first, I thought I was in such an ethereal state of being that I just imagined the whistle, as if to add some kind of rhythm to my thoughts.  I went back and confirmed that this was indeed part of the guided meditation.  Where most may have glossed it over, I heard it with such an illustrious transparency that it felt like the loudest noise!

I have an interesting history with whistling.  My stepfather, John, who was with me from the time I was about 13 until about 19, was an idiosyncratic whistler.  He would do it while washing the dishes, while sweeping, while driving, and along with snapping.  There would be no music on and he had no specific tune or melody he would go with.  It was always something new.  It was so recognizable that one year he received a Christmas present--- a documentary on whistling (I wasn't aware they made those either)

This would drive me and my siblings mad.  I would get this palpitating spinning in my head and slowly be filled with anger.  The others didn't like it either.  It would hurt our focus and disrupt our day

We would mock him.  We would complain to my mom and others.  He would continue ad nauseum.  A number of times, this would lead to tension, and it would certainly contribute to some of the fighting and dissension down the line

As odd as it may be, I often find myself whistling as I've grown.  I'll whistle while walking down the street, at the bus stop, while waiting in a line.  I do it much in the same way that John did.  It came when I felt good and I knew I was on to something special.  It also came at times when I need uplift

This whistling noise made me empathize, even forgive John.  For that ten long seconds, I could see that it was his sanctuary.  Here was a man with constant pain in his body and stress in his mind:  a former iron worker who had broken his back on the job now entering retirement age and losing many he had once loved

That whistling was a rhythm John would try to use to move more happily and put aside some of that pain.  There was nothing idiotic about what was idiosyncratic, as I had previously thought.  It was simply John trying to add a little positive vibration to his life, as any idiosyncrasy is.  It's is someone trying to provide themselves solace in a way that only they know.  It's uniqueness that needs to be embrace

I could see myself swimming with John, whistling with each breath above the water, forgiving each other as we find the warmth of tranquility and kinship.  I could see that whistle slowly getting louder as we got closer to the shore, slowly picking up more harmony as we began to find our pace swimming

The meditation ended.  The epiphany I had about John and whistling was left bare with me to ruminate on.  I could hear the surrounding sounds in such vivid detail.  My vision was piqued and was almost pixellated, as I could see my room so clearly

I could feel this almost rumbling vibration in my feet.  It was telling me to whistle as you find rhythm in life and move with that, whether it's walking down the street, on a long, turbulent swim or in your life's greatest passions.  Just whistle.  Find your purpose and make sure it whistles.  You don't know where those vibrations may reverberate!

Onwards, 

D

White guilt?

We have erected many ways to silence people before they even begin talking.  A lot of times it can simply be respectability politics:  "Why was he wearing a hoodie?",  "Did you see how Beyonce was dancing and dressed at the Super Bowl?", "This is not very Christ-like", and so forth.  These have the effect of casting aspersions, usually on victims, so that their story is immediately shrouded in doubt.  Their is immediate invalidation.  When this happens we, in effect, silence tears...

Tonight I stumbled upon what was actually an excellent interview from December 2014 on the Hot 97 radio show Ebro in the Morning.  Hosts Ebro and Rosenberg talk with rapper Macklemore, always a lightning rod for controversy, about racism and appropriation within the industry.  It is actually a really compelling discussion with a kind of frankness that you don't often see in entertainment interviews

Macklemore and Rosenberg

There wasn't much genuine controversial content, however.  Macklemore and Rosenberg, both white, talk about their roles in an industry and culture that was founded and is fueled by black people.  They go over the lines between appropriation--- essentially stealing other's music and style and passing it of as your own--- and appreciation.  They intone that being white and a part of hip-hop means constantly educating themselves, willingness to take a back seat, and the understanding that their success would often not be afforded to black artists.  Host Ebro admirably guides the discussion and describes the differences in his experience in the industry and life as a black man

I made the unfortunate mistake of scrolling down at the comments (a mistake you should never make on the Internet, anywhere).  A number of these excoriated the two for exhibiting "white guilt."  Here is one of the most enlightening:

"And to think that I used to like Macklemore's music when he was singing about Irish pride and all that shit. By the way he looks and acts now it's like some corporate black guy came round to his house and offered him money to start a campaign of white guilt. Now THAT would be selling out alright. Imagine selling out your own race."

These are quite frequent in videos where white people acknowledge racism and their roles in it and especially when they resign themselves to sometimes not being at the center of the discussion. Macklemore is somehow "selling out" white and Irish people because he has expressed support for fighting the realities of racism.  Other comments refer to the two as "self-hating" white people

I've pondered this phrase for quite some time.  I've thought about the word guilty conjures in the mind.  I get feelings of uneasiness.  You want to take it back.  In that sense, it is usually distant and in the past, something there is at least some regret for

The other way guilt is often seen as is legal:  it's some kind of criminal accountability in a court of law.  It means jail time, fines, community service.  There is less feeling around it because we have a definite yes/no as to whether the defendant is guilty.  We see less grey area

White guilt is also often used in the context of slavery.  For example, the silencers will invoke it and say "She is so sad about slavery but they had nothing to do with it and it's not their fault."  In a very limited sense, this notion has some verisimilitude, as no white person living today had a direct hand in slavery.  They may be descendants of slave owners or confederates but they never owned a single slave

This clearly misses the ways white folks have benefited from slavery and black folks have suffered:  massive gaps in intergenerational building of wealth, distorted images of beauty that favor white skin and features, denial of black people into many facets of the workforce, and so forth.  If you ignore history has played a role, then you just haven't studied it

The issue with guilt, however, is that implied distance.  We can recognize how draconian slavery was but the focus around it implies that there is a period of post-slavery.  Making strong, visceral connections with a past phenomenon can be difficult and onerous.  But what if we saw that history as present?  What would that mean for actions and language?

We know that slavery didn't die after the Civil War or Emancipation Proclamation.  Jim Crow would come shortly thereafter.  Sharecropping followed.  Police would round up vagrants and take them to prison (this is where chain gangs got there start).  As rapper and prominent media face Killer Mike says in his song Reagan

"Cause slavery was abolished, unless you are in prison
You think I am bullsh**ting, then read the 13th Amendment
Involuntary servitude and slavery it prohibits
That's why they giving drug offenders time in double digits"

Slavery is still much allowed for inmates.  As Jim Crow receded from being the regnant system, Reagan would sweep the nation and institute a third wave, that of mass incarceration.  Millions of men and women locked up, millions of families torn apart, and most communities decimated

This slavery, this oppression, has clearly not passed by.  It lives and breathes with each moment.  Perhaps we need not spend too much time in quandaries about our great grandfather's actions, but truly probe our own?  This leads to two ways of engaging the problems, which Macklemore grappled with the difficulty of doing in the discussion above

The first is white accountability:  I am aware of all the ways I am still oppressing my black and brown brothers and sisters and I will make sure that I take action when I am doing wrong or others are doing wrong.  This is beyond just merely apologizing or acknowledging failure, because if we continually ask for mea culpas without also seriously outlining paths for growth and improvements, was the apology even sincere?  White accountability forces us to worry about what is here and now, what we can touch.  It leaves us with little choice but to be urgent in how was are aware and active

White appreciation is the second piece.  Rosenberg touches on how when he first entered into hip-hop, he only wanted to be around black rappers and didn't like the white MC's.  It was because he wanted to learn about other's experience and had a certain admiration for the music crafted.  When we appreciate and admire, we cultivate a sense of awe.  In this sense, we create space and distance needed to subsume messages that we wouldn't be able to learn on our own.  When we appreciate, we recognize others capacity for beauty, truth, and authenticity, and we demonstratively let that live without having to validate it.  We allow the experiences to ring out and we trust them as true

Don't let people tell you that you are secretly guilty for something you believe in.  Don't let them confuse you into think guilt is subconscious below immense love, appreciation, and accountability.  It's more than that.  And while healthy doses of guilt can and should at least partially drive decision-making, it can only create so much.  That's why we operate with accountability and appreciation

When You Know You've Grown and Are on to Success

Do you ever have those moments when you just know you are on to something?  That your existence and purpose are something special?  Perhaps you are just imbued with a dogged spirit?

A heuristic to work with to measure this is when anomalies are no longer anomalies;  the things that had once seemed so distant now are so frequent.  With such frequency comes the building of a great capacity to draw out all the richness and nourish the nuance of the experience.  You'll take the previously "random", now happening so often, and build it in tandem with your insightfulness.  At some point, you will just know it is happening, and as you begin to really ascertain how often it happens, your determination and alignment with grand purpose will come together piece by piece

The more this happens, the less you will see as just the fracas of every day life.  The more mindful you will be to the bits and pieces of everything.  You will be able to take the scattered and make it seminal.  Each development will make you stronger

Making this a bit more practical will be something I work on.  I've just had too many moments like these constantly crystallizing and then crescendoing to not share.  It's beautiful and more people need to share in that beauty!

Derek

Ruminating on Snowfall

This winter was different.  Cleveland has been hit with hellacious snow the past few winters.  The cold and precipitation lasted into April!  This was bad news for my emotions and stress

I believed I may have had seasonal affective disorder.  I was both more angry and more melancholy---with more frequency.  I would stay inside almost all winter, anticipating there would be nothing out to do in some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.  It was rough and made me really want to move

This winter has been completely different.  I've undergone a personal sea change within it, making a ton of lifestyle changes and starting to practice a meditation and breathing regimen.  It's also thankfully been quite milder and that has made things much more tolerable.  Overall, though, I would say a new mentality of happiness has reigned over whatever weather may have come

Today I was making a drive from Downtown Cleveland to Fairport in Lake County.  It's roughly a 35 minute ride and a route uncharted for me.  I was making the drive in a large, white Ford, 2-seat E-Van, so I was both able to see more what was in front of me (sitting so high) and even less (I was so high it was hard to see at my feet)

About midway through, a light snow came.  As more snow came down, I began to reflect on it.  I studied that snow as it smacked right into the giant windshield

The trap I fell into the last few years is far too commonplace:  this snow is unpleasant, and therefore I must get away from it.  Therefore, it must make my misery

But what if we took a few moments to nourish nuance and make the mundane magical?   I reflect ever more intently.  I could see the snowfall as an asteroid field, me and the car as a spaceship.  In the beautiful chaos of this space,  we still made it to our destination.  We navigated space and our purpose was manifest

Simple flips on perspective like this are critical to our sanity and happiness.  They are when we can appreciate that we are in service to a higher purpose and also when we begin to appreciate our own work.  They are what make difficult days and moments those of the greatest possibility.  They are what turn what looks like a deleterious snowfall slowly into oceans and pools of hope

Travel vs. Adventure

Keeping My Trip In Context

"The difference between vacation or travel and an adventure or journey is that of immersion;  whereas a vacation is a respite or a nap, the journey is the full night's sleep and the dream"

---Derek D. Dissell

This is a very simple way I will keep my own journey in context.  Far too often, I see folks going to other places to engage in the same activities they could do in their own city:  drinking and partying, seduction of the opposite sex, sight-seeing which inevitably means staring blindly for a few seconds and moving on to the next thing.  Is this really worth the money, time, and hassle?

A vacation or journey both involve traversing to a new place.  Vacations put far too much emphasis on the "play."  They may be fun or relaxing, but what was actually learned?  Where was the inspiration?  What about that city lives on in you forever?

The journey must have the aspiration to strive for the "-ace" of place; that is, finding the qualities that are so distinctive, so magical, and so wondrous that we've no choice but to immerse as deeply as we can.  The "ace"-ness, then, is crucial to the place's greatness.  It's what we must snuff out

This is why I have mature to not travel unless I have some certitude that I will learn some new skill, generate the temerity to transform, and genuinely do something I will never be able to do again or anywhere.  That place will be a part of me until I die and it will be transferred unto others

 

 

Thoughts of the Day, March 1, 2016

Hello Friends and Family,

My apologies for the lack of posts this morning.  Today was a busy day!  I'll leave with just a few thoughts for the day.  The Thought of the Day will be a recurring feature of this blog.  It may be a few quotes or a small digression on an activity I partook in.  It may often be a seed to a  future post that may not have it's full flesh currently.  Here goes:

"The original will be pushed to the peripheral"

The most creative, eccentric, and inventive are often socially isolated.  They frequently are picked on and made fun of.  They often lack friends and strong bonds with others.  They may end up being avant-guarde, their work appreciated years later, or they will work assiduously to bring the periphery into the world's tunnel vision

Another reality is that originality is intrinsically related to an ability to see at a periphery.  It's the dare to try new solutions to problems, to traverse where other intellects deemed off the grounds of respectability.  It's seeing beyond the edges and far too often, it is punished

A Few Thoughts On Phonebanking

If you've never phone banked before, it's something you ought to try at least a few times.  The phonebook is largely utilized in political campaigns, but it is also seen in anything that requires volunteers or some kind of attendance.  It's simple: a list of calls or contacts is set up and a group of people is delegated to call and ask them to commit to a vote, event, volunteering, etc.

I phone banked for Bernie Sanders tonight in the midst of his Super Tuesday losses.  It can be both a humbling experience and one to develop great patience:

• You'll have to be very comfortable with being told no, people immediately refusing your call (usually on dubious grounds), even disparaging your ideas or candidate.  You need to be patient and practice equanimity when this happens, or else you will never get through the calls with any level of sanity
• There is a twofold frustration and optimism, depending on how you normally assess things.  You will see countless calls go unanswered.  Countless people "not home" in the sense that they just don't want to talk when they hear of your campaign.  People refusing to talk and characterizing a phone call about voting as "soliciting", not civiv engagement.  On one hand, this shows just how little many care about their vital governing bodies, how detached they are from things that affect them on such massive levels.  However, if we are to look at it calmly as leaders, we see there is a sundry of folks who just need the leadership to show them how important it is; that leadership is YOU!
• You build community and purpose.  What does it mean to know that there are thousands more toiling away, for no pay and with little sleep, with the glimmering hope that they can spark a political revolution?  When you make investments of heart like this and you can actually SEE others doing the same, it puts all of your hard work into context

Cooking Lentils, Social Movements, and Leadership

I've recently made lentils a major staple of my diet.  I eat them daily, along with rice, in something like a salad.  They are cheap, highly nutritious, tasty, and most importantly, easy to make

The lentil production/cooking process is rather simple.  First, you get an idea of just how much you want to make (usually about 2 cups worth lasts me the week).  Second, you sort out the lentils, making sure there are no rocks or seriously decayed pieces.  Then, you add about 3-4 times the water of the amount of lentils, and apply heat until a boil.  From there, you allow a slow simmer for 20 minutes or so, turn off heat, let sit for about 10 minutes, and you are done!

I did it yesterday with an open top, mostly because my pot is small and the lentils+water pretty much fill the whole thing.  In contrast to the previous times I've cooked, I observed intently this time.  I watched through the whole boiling process

What I could see could be observed with beans and the cooking of other legumes, but as I began to move beyond just seeing and actually began reading, I found insight.  As a student and desired leader in social movements

Slowly but surely, as the heat increases, lentil by lentil will rise to the top.  I thought about this in the context of movement:  as oppression increases, as injustices begin to accelerate, there will always be leaders that first come to the top, that first speak out amidst the intense, sweltering heat

As things get hotter, we see more and more lentils rising.  The crackling boil is something they can take no more.  They begin rising faster and faster, with greater quantity each passing moment.  At this
point, the social ill has become so intense and become ubiquitous to so many that they've no choice but to join in

Lentils coming to a boil.  Where do they go from here?

Eventually, as the heat reaches its apex, the lentils will begin to fall out of the pot.  The water will also explode out, temporarily fighting the flame.  However, the flame is still at the same capacity; it has been injured but not crippled; it has lost a battle but not a war

The flame comes back and maintains.  Meanwhile, the lentils have suffered great attrition, falling out of the pot to be burnt by the flame or left at the side of the road to ruin

What was once a harmonious dancing of lentils at the top of the pot, a certain kind of kinetic power and unity, is now gone.  The grand expectations that the lentils had when they rose has now receded or will soon die out when they "fall out".  The lentils still left in the pot literally get burnt:  they are completely sapped of energy or just anesthetized to their suffering, barely able to move

I have seen this in my own experience with movement building and organizing.  I'll take police brutality work in Cleveland, for example (this is not a definitive analysis but just a working one, and I am not immune from any of this critique):

• Black Lives Matter and the work in Ferguson expose what had been festering to decades to a much larger audience.  In Cleveland, this meant many marches and solidarity efforts during the Summer of 2014.  The boil is about halfway there
• Tamir Rice and Tenisha Anderson are both killed in a very short span.  This follows the 137 shots and a number of other cases of brutality.   It is the last straw.  We are nearly at full boil
• A number of groups mobilize almost immediately and swiftly, beginning to demonstrate.  They are what we could call those first lentils.  As others begin to see just how exigent the situation is and how necessary there action will be, they join in.  There is serious harmony, with some groups working around the clock as a loving community.  They are the following lentils
• There are city hall protests, a shutdown of streets and highways, and some shifts in discourse from public officials.  The Justice Department drops a scathing critique of the Cleveland Police Department and the City of Cleveland enters into Consent Decree.  The water begins being pushed out of the pot and hitting the flame
• At the same time, group dissension, burnout, and lack of strategic focus prevail and are major inhibiting factors.  City Council goes home for the winter break.  A number of concerns outside of initial demands also begin entering the debate.  Many lentils begin falling out or being pushed to the side of the pot
• The City enters a Consent Decree that leave many bitter, disappointed, and unsatisfied.  It lacks many crucial accountability measures.  Many either take time away from activism as a whole or find their solace in other issues i.e. the 2016 Presidential election (Presidential elections often being the ultimate lentil pot!)

Burnout amidst all the stress and heat

Speaking of Presidential elections, another example of this would be the Obama campaign(s).  In 2008, President Obama was the leader lentil, responding to the heat of 2 wars, massive deficits, growing inequality, and the prevalent notion that something different was needed in Washington.  He was charismatic, attractive, and resonant like few candidates have ever been

Obama generated volunteers and small donors like few had ever done before.  Obama for America had a massive canvassing team, massive data, and the energy to making things happen.  However, after the election, much of that was tempered and that reserve of people was not utilized to continue making changed.  We foisted our hopes with a leader and not completely in ourselves.  The lentils came crashing out after they thought the election heat was over

I often leave with questions.  Part of my journey and struggle is becoming a more loving, empathetic, and adaptive leader.  The reality is that the harmony of the lentils is often short-lived because we put too much emphasis on a few leaders, because we don't realize how strong the flame is and properly analyze how it's been able to maintain heat since time immemorial, because we tend to begin rising with great passion that we just don't know how to sustain or passion that inhibits collected vision and strategy

Given this,  how do we

1. Sustain passions at the initial level or crescendo them as time goes on?  
2. Build organizations that are dependent on leadership but not necessarily leaders?
3. Best understand what the "powers that be" do that makes them so strong for so long?
4. Keep lentils from crashing and burning?
5. Get people to think as visionaries and as long-term as possible?

Try to be as practical as possible.  I'd love to see your answers.  It will be immensely important to my learning!

Onwards, 

D

The Exigence of Journey and Why We So Often Fall Short

Hey everyone!

I hope you enjoyed my last post.  I know that it was a repeat from something I had shared before but I felt it was necessary to really establish the rationale for what I am doing with this blog.   I promise that this will almost exclusively be new content (I won't even be able to draw from Facebook now that it will be deactivated :)).  Given that, I make a somewhat nebulous reference to this "Ashram" that I will be heading to at the end of March (March 29th flight date, to be exact)

In many conversations I've had with people asking about what I'm doing, I've had eyes roll.  I've had people respond with the perfunctory "yea", "mhmms" , and "sounds cool."  The problem, I've come to realize, is that most don't even know what an ashram is!

What is this dude even talking about?!

Let me take this post to explain exactly what an ashram is, why I have decided to do it, and how it fits in with the greater journey towards self-optimization.  Maybe you'll want to do just the same yourself sometime soon!

On March 29th at 9 a.m., my flight will leave to Nassau, Bahamas for the Sivanada Ashram.  This will come after months of planning, setbacks and struggles.  My initial plan was to leave at the end of December 2015 but financial setbacks, lack of capacity at the ashram, and injuries prevented me from doing so.  Now, everything is in place smoothly!

Once that flight lands, I'll take a taxi to the Sivanada boat dock and will take a ferry to Paradise Island!  The name is no misnomer:  Paradise Island is a wonderfully beautiful, majestic place, one perfect for an intense spiritual journey.  A number of legendary films have used Paradise to shoot, including 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Beatles' film Help!, Flipper, The Silence of the Lambs, 2 Pirates of the Caribbean Films, and 4 Bond Films (Thunderball, The Spy Who Love Me, Never Say Never Again, and Casino Royale)!

I could hold a headstand for years in a place like this!

The waters are so pristine and blue that they can be seen from outer space! Water temperatures average around 80 degrees year round and the weather is similarly warm.   Visitors also get to see the March of the Flamingos 3 times a day.  Numerous restaurants serving traditional Bahamian cuisine (Conch, anyone?) are also to be found

Who could get jet lag or homesickness coming to a place like this?

The reality is that I will get to spend little time around Paradise.  I'm not worried about this because that is what studying at an Ashram entails.  Being at Sivanada will mean a massive investment of my time and energy but that is what I currently need.  Before we get to what the takeaways and exigence of something like an ashram is, let's talk a little bit more about Sivanada

The Sivanada Ashram Yoga Retreat Bahamas is part of the worldwide collection Sivanada Yoga Vedanta Centres, founded for their namesake, Swami Sivanada, one of the 20th century's greatest Yoga masters.  Sivanada authored more than 200 books on Yoga and in 1957 sent his great disciple Swami Vishnudevananda to the West.  There are now more than 20 Yoga Centres and 9 ashrams worldwide.  The practice of Sivanada Yoga emphasizes pranayama (proper breathing), asana (yogic movement and exercise), savanna (relaxation), a vegetarian diet, and positive thinking and meditation (vedanta and dhyana) 

Two lacto-vegetarian buffet meals are served daily at 10 a.m. and 6 p.m., in line with the Yogic philosophy, along with a selection of brewed herbal tea.   For people in the 3 month Karma Yoga Immersion Program like myself, these meals are free of charge.  From the end of October until the beginning of July, residents pitch an 8x8 tent on the beach, where they make residence; during the rest of the year, dorms are provided

The daily schedule, as mentioned above, is rigorous.  It looks something like this and is followed 7 days a week:

6:00 am	Satsang: meditation, chanting, and lecture or Silent Walk
8:00 am	Yoga Class (asana,  pranayama, and relaxation)
10:00 am	Brunch (10-11) and Selfless Service (5 hours of work around the Ashram)
4:00 pm	Yoga Class (asana, pranayama, and relaxation)
6:00 pm	Dinner (6-approximately 7) and personal time (approximately 7-8)
8:00 pm	Satsang: meditation, chanting, and a talk or performance Bedtime/lights out is at approximately 10 p.m. and residents are to wake up at approximately 5:30 a.m.  Work at the ashram includes marketing/promotion, maintenance, gardening, kitchen help, reception/reservations, and many more.  Residents are placed based upon interest and needs of the Ashram. This is all free of charge, provided I stay for three months and follow the rules of the Ashram!  All I needed to buy was a plane ticket, medical travel insurance, and the usual toiletries! The reality is that much of the day is given to learning yoga and finding self.  This is not a "vacation" in the traditional sense.  It is even more worthwhile because the skills, qualities, and true yearning for self-knowledge is something that could not be accomplished on a traditional vacation Why the Ashram? You may wonder why someone would be so anxious to go to something like an ashram.  Why not just head back to graduate school/law school, as I was a successful student?  Why not just look for a better job or enroll in a couple of professional development courses to advance requisite skills in the job market?  Why not just wait?  What's wrong with where I was at? The whole initiative for this journey actually came from a good friend of mine.  For quite some time, we had been meeting up and discussing life over Hookah.  Both of us being recent college graduates still struggling to find enriching employment and meaningful living, the conversations would typically focus on both what we lacked (endogenous) and how Cleveland (exogenous) was inhibiting us I could see patterns developing that were very startling.  I am every bit the "self-starter" that employers look for, teeming with ideas and ways to synthesize them.  However, once started, many of these ideas and projects would find themselves laid empty on the table and never cooked.  I would quickly lose focus, discipline, and drive to turn these ideas into fruition At the same time, I was developing in many important ways.  My creative abilities really crystallized--- I found myself with an endless supply of creative ideas, thoughts, writings, etc.  This was very much embodied in my personal style--- often what seemed ostentatious but really the presentation of someone with a lot of moving parts People have told me they've never met someone so passionate, so full of energy.  I've met relative strangers who have said they believe in me.  I found people appreciating my poetry and often heard things like "Hey, that sounds like our next mayor."  Jokes aside, the creative process really began to liberate me as an individual.  The next step was to optimize as an individual The other, exogenous, part of the spark was Cleveland.  My friend and I both established that this was largely not a place where we could currently grow to our peaks.  We established that while Cleveland and Northeast Ohio may be great place to raise a family or settle down, they are not as conducive to young people seeking to do great things Despite what is often trumpeted as a comeback city--- a Republican National Convention, return of LeBron James, new casino and medical mart, and growth of downtown--- we could both see that much of this was empty.  The reality was that poverty was manifest, institutions of higher education left much to be desired, crime and despair prevalent, and the social/night life mostly nonexistent and dead.  I could ride down my street any given day of the week at any given time and not expect to see much.  While I love where I live, the reality is that it is a food desert with high rates of poverty, a paucity of food (call it a food dessert, if you will), the reality is that this is much more the norm for Cleveland than Downtown I traveled to New York City and Philadelphia.  I could see what cities stewing with energy and wonder would look like and how I could impact them.  They are ultimately much more up to my speed than Cleveland is.  But if I could find some contentment in Cleveland, why not continue moving on the road to happiness? My friend and I first established that we wanted to attend the Zen Mountain Monastery in the Catskill Mountains, New York.  After a bit more research, we would find Sivanada Bahamas and realize that Zen was too costly, too short, and not involving enough Yogic movement.  Sivanada was where it had to happen I expect this trip to be difficult at times.  I expect to experience ineffable joy and amazement.  I expect to come away a completely changed and more realized person; I was also encouraged by the fact that the recently deceased David Bowie and Steve Jobs, two people I admire, spent long stays at ashrams, along with a litany of others What might that change and realization look like?  Specifically, I'd like to come away with the following: Intense focus and concentration.  As described above, this is a very necessary ingredient to match with my passion and intellect A certain otherworldly expression of love and loving.  In many ways, I am a product of a lot of trauma and stress.  A significant amount of my (close) family are drug addicts or have had serious drug problems.  I am the product of a single-parent household.  Sometimes I haven't loved myself as much as I ought to.  And I've always thought that if someone would have shown more love to those folks in my family like my mother and sister to me, things just may have been different.  As I've studied movements of non-violence in the last year, I know it has the ability to transcend and take the world A calmness and tranquility.  This goes hand-in-hand with the last one but it's an ability to be deeply immersed in the moment without being tethered to it.  To not let momentary stresses and struggles drag on for hours and days.  It's a certain fluidity! Resolution.  I tend to have many passions, many different interests.  And while this gives me a certain contextual way to see things, it often prevents me from narrowing to where I can be most affective.  As I cast a line and peer into myself, I'll have a much better idea of what I ultimately will be Discipline.  You can see the schedule above.  I can be very frenetic in my goals and activities.  No more of that.  When I leave this ashram, my discipline will be much closer to concrete than the glass it is now Hopefully, that conveys a strong idea of why I am going and what I need it for. There will be more expository information in the time that follows us.  Now it is time for me to question you! Why Don't We Journey? The Hajj:  An Islamic pilgrimage and one of religion's greatest spiritual journeys Given all that we know about journeys like the one I just describe; that, while imperfect and not always leading to greatness, are often catalysts to great change, why don't more people make them?  We know the greats who have done them.  We know they reduce stress, they expand creativity, they are often great for physical health, and they form permanent memories.  We know they often leave us in earth-shattering states of joy, providing us with the tools and means to better love the world.  We know they make our work more meaningful and purposeful What I don't know is why so many say no.  Are they so invested in their overloaded lives, often dead-end and underpaid jobs, and rote environments?  Do they not desire to be more holistic people? I understand that there are many obstacles to journeys like these and I speak from a point of privilege:  I'm young and in good physical condition.  I have no children and no obligations to ill parents.  I don't have careers or employers exactly chasing me down.  I'm an educated person and hence my chances of even knowing about something like this are far greater than someone who was never able to attend college.  I'm lucky to have had family and friends that have been surprisingly supportive in this decision.  I do have a job and the capacity to make enough income to finance this, no matter how minor the costs  I'm grateful for all of that.  Just to have that is much more than a substantial amount of the world.  But when faced with these things, so many people will just stare blindly and say "no".  They don't care about the low cost or the immense benefits.  They would rather do the traditional vacation of getting drunk, laying at a beach, seeing a few landmarks (but not truly seeing or reading them), rinsing and repeating.  The would rather be in their insular worlds (and I refuse to say comfortable because where they are at right now is causing them exponentially more discomfort than something like an ashram would) and never venture out too far or with too much uncertainty.  They put it off until they get older, when their brains will already be ossified and the yearning for a growth that can touch a long life that much more diminished When confronted with uncertainty, the best way to move forward is to leave questions.  I ask all of you, How do we, as leaders, inspire people to journeys like these?  How do we show the most beaten to be the most brazen?  How do we lovingly encourage the most confused of us to understand that there are other possibilities, other dimensions, not within our daily dichotomies? And how do we, collectively, bring our journeys to others who can not go so far and infuse it within their own spirit?

Farewellcome!

Family, Friends, Interested Readers,

Welcome!  Or should I say Farewell?  Most of you have found yourselves migrating here from Facebook, and this is where we can now engage.  I want to take this first post to say thank you for caring, for loving, for seeing potential even when the light may have been dim.  You bequeath me immense gratitude, and this is here for me to share in growth with you

Since this is the intro piece, I'd like to share my recent Facebook post detailing why I'd be deactivating my page, so that you can get an idea of why I'm launching this blog and the growth I've undergone to get here

After the jump, I'll outline what I expect this blog to look like, things you call can expect to look out for, and ways that we can stay consistently engaged.  But first, the why:

"I've grown and made a lot of major changes these last few months. I've realized that time only slips away and that I got too much to offer to sit around and atrophy. I get up at 5 every morning, meditate, usually workout, read extensively, have enrolled in a few MOOCS, am readying to head to an ashram for at least 3 months, and just generally looking to build up skills and set goals high while developing a fastidious discipline

I feel great! I have more energy, I'm more productive, I'm in much better shape and adding muscle/weight, I'm calmer and more relaxed. Attachments mean a lot less to me now; I'm not chasing women anymore. I've said that my ambitions are to be POTUS one day and that means very hard work every day.  There is no waiting

With that said, the next logical step for me is to step off of here (Facebook) for a while. It engulfs a massive amount of my time. I'm largely not happy or inspired by what I see and the information quality is pretty low. I spend endless time in often silly conversations

I've come to the realization that social media is at best a way to AMPLIFY an audience/network you've already built up. I've failed to do that on a genuine level, hence the fact that my posts get little reaction no matter how original the content, how strong the writing quality, or even the shock value. You can be the greatest speaker in the world, but Obama didn't become President just because he was a genius behind the mic. He knew how to get people invested in him and then once he got them in, he inspired

I hope my posts and writing have been inspiring. I hope you have been nudged to think a bit differently than what would have been typical. I hope i've made you smile, cry, and laugh at many points. I hope there have been times where we've shared experiences, no matter the age or how different we may be. I sincerely thank all of you who have provided words of encouragement when I thought I was in my own world

I almost came to use Facebook as a sort of unvarnished stream-of-consciousness; a Twitter with teeth and fleshed out ideas. This is STILL the power of Facebook--- it is the first PERSONAL history book, and I hope more people will truly see that magical element and run with it, rather than the detritus we currently see

This "social" deactivation will also apply to my real social life. At the end of the month, I commit to not going out, not kicking with friends, etc. I'm only out for work, a workout, or opportunities to make legitimate money. I had just stretched myself for a while while circling aimlessly; this is my time to develop focus, purpose, and study like a demon. Time will be spent on physical, spiritual, artistic, and intellectual development. Please no texts or calls unless it is urgent or you just miss me that much!

A number of greats have rhapsodized about the need for productive solitude and monotony. This will be a time to sit with myself and face myself until I know I am once again ready.  Until I know I'm Derek and not Derelict

I'll document my time at this Ashram to the best of my ability (with the whole hour I have free every day). I'll get an HQ camera and use pictures that I can write to. I'm a good raconteur to begin with and I will be meeting some of the most fascinating characters the world has to offer. There will be ample to share!

This is truly an "it's not you, it's me" moment. It's an act of love: I love how much how many of you have loved me. I've matured enough to admit I've failed all of you in many ways: lack of patience, an often callous indifference to other's problems, my own work ethic and misguided focus, too much focus on me, myself and I (probably too much of that in this letter). I promise I can do more and that I will do more and that I won't waste what y'all have invested in so many times!

Expect a message similar to this with ways to contact me, my address at the Ashram, etc. etc. I'll probably shut this down in 1-2 weeks and may not return until the end of July. By then, I can change back to Derek

With Love,

D"

Heartfelt, I know.  If that doesn't explain the rationale for my change enough, we can talk about that more, or perhaps it can be an evolving writing topic.  Now, beyond the sentimentality!   Why come here and invest your valuable time with me?  Why here instead of elsewhere?  What can you plan on seeing?

To answer that, let's split it into three categories:  Guarantees, You-and-Me's, and Possibilities.  Let's start with the Guarantees

Guarantees

Guarantees are the things that I absolutely commit to upon launching this blog.  They are the indelible qualities, things that are a matter of routine.  They will be here.  I can guarantee, for now:

• There will be a daily post.  It can be something as small as a short quote.  It could be a poem or short story.  It could be a longer form essay.  I'll also have pictures and videos.  In that sense, it will look similar to my Facebook, but more involved
• There will be context.  I'll make sure that I introduce what I'm talking about, which will typically mean a story about whatever incited my post.  That way, you'll get a deeper, fuller glimpse into what I'm perceiving
• If I post a photo, link, video, etc., it will always have accompanying text.  I won't just drop things on you without leading you in!
• I'll keep you updated!  If you know me, you know that I am very vulnerable and self-aware.  There isn't much that I won't share, especially if I think the story can also help elucidate other people's experience
• If you want to know more, just ask!  Which leads to......

You-And-Me's

You-And-Me's are essentially the rules of engagement.  They are what I need from you to make the best of me and to give the most back.  They are how we make this experience good for everyone!

• Constant feedback. Comments are most preferred and welcome!
• Take my requests seriously:  I will ask for many things from y'all.  Some will be very small and simple.  Some may be a bit higher order.  Others may require direct interaction between us.  Here are some examples:
• Words of the day:  I ask you for new words to learn and force myself to either write a piece on them or use them in the piece
• Essay topics:  I may ask you to send me a stimulating news article, picture, story, sensation, etc.  One day, I may ask for your favorite philosophical quote; on others I may simply ask you to share one thing new you saw during the day
• Special day requests:  I.e. on my birthday, sending me a book, or on President's day, informing me about the greatest U.S. speech I've never heard.  These will obviously come with those special days
• Like I said above, it is crucial that you ask me questions!  This could turn into regular posts (Sorry, advice columns leave people more confused), question-and-answers, or the simple 1-1 engagement
• Read my entire posts.  Some may be long, many will undoubtedly be short.  To be fair to one another, we need to make sure we are interfacing with the same content.  If you don't read everything, I probably won't get the best feedback from you, and my writing may stay too long.  Let's not let the vicious cycle happen!
• Encouragement and inspiration.  I wouldn't want you to be reading my blog if I didn't think I could inspire you, and vice-versa!  So please, never be afraid to share with me or even ask me to delve into a topic!

Possibilities

This is what you can expect as I grow.  They are the things I'm aspiring toward but not at just yet.  Keep them in your back pocket, because they may be cashed in one day

• Patents and entrepreneurial insights/business travails
• More pictures:  currently, all I have is a very low megapixel camera.  As said above, I do plan on upgrading and learning the craft, but right now the quality may be rather remedial
• Longer publishing:  things like books, more scholarly essays, speeches, and pieces of art.  This will come as time goes
• Migrating the blog to a bigger, sexier website.  This site is essentially a test run.  I will have limited access in a month and I want to see what traction this can get in a limited amount of time before I go on to purchase mostly web host services.  I'm learning here but expecting to move on to more

Ok, that ain't everything, but it should be a solid image of what I'm looking to do with this.  There is no particular one purpose, and my versatility will ensure that this will be an enriching experience, or at least an eccentric one!

I'm looking forward to reading, writing, exploring, and inspiring with all of you!

Onward,

D